Verves In Composition

Everyone in the blogosphere probably knows by now that my good friend minishorts is getting hitched soon I’m really excited for her and to be involved in her wedding plans! 

So there is this woman planning and budgeting and she is upset with how much flowers can cost. Through such conversations. We have very much concluded …

 

Minishorts: i’m not going to throw it because stupid malaysian women jump away when they throw it
i been to 5 weddings with throwing bouquet
NO NEED lah sampat only throw the bouquet

April: EH! THROW AT ME!!!!
i catch one. hahahaha

minishorts: YOU SAMPAT i give you lah after that 
i kid you not
the bouquet is the most useless accessory a bride has
dunno who last time say have to do very big now you know why i say overprice ..stupid corsages are a waste of money

FLOWERS ARE DAMN EXPENSIVE THINGS AND USELESS.

but what to do? nice mah…

Hillarious. Anyway, back to bouquet catching.

The last time I stood in the crowd of fighting young single women. Being tall obviously I stood in the back. I looked down on my feet. 

I heard screams and I looked up. If it were’nt a bouquet of flowers, I would have broken my nose. Well..looks like I’m going to catch the bouquet without even putting up a fight. I’m going to be given the bouquet. The first bouquet must be a hoax…not married yet also. :p

Thanks very much to Pelf for help putting up this interview together to get it featured on www.domestikgoddess.com

Thanks again Pelf!

I thank my parents for giving me the name I have now. Though it has a penchant for leaving me suffixes (e.g. -fool) conversational/pick up lines that are far too predicatable. April is a nice name that gets me places…especially when you’re in a country other girls rarely have this name.

However until today, people still keep christening me new, unique and urm, well. misleading names. Here’s what I remember.

Ms. Bossy- Given to me by my cousin Allistair. When this boy of 7 years came back to stay with his 3 year old cousin sister and family. He brought back some really AWESOME M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand) figurines. Somehow the dude actually befriended the opposing criminal organizational band V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem) in one of his imaginary playtimes. In my fragile little 3 year old mind was a neon bllboard of information popping out…YOU DO NOT MAKE MATT TRAKKER AND MILES MAYHEM SHAKE GOD DAMN HANDS! (GAWD, WHY DO I REMEMBER ALL THIS POINTLESS INFORMATION)Disgruntled that should NOT be the way to play M.A.S.K., I snatched each figurine away and dictated him how to play it the RIGHT way.

Tau Fu Poh (Bean curd auntie)- I eat meat like I’m on a vengance spree to kill animals that have defied my human sanctity. I never ate a single leaf of vegetables until I turned 18 or 19. But if there was one vegetarian bit I loved was bean curd (Tau Fu). Between ages 5-9 years old, every family meal ALWAYS had Tau fu JUST FOR ME.

Saboh Queen (Short for Sabotage Queen)- Given to me by my bro/sis cousins Jamie and Andrew followed by other cousins, Rene, Collin and Richard. On the occassion, that I completely dumped my 14 Barbie dolls and sold my soul to Sega and Nintendo Consoles, I would challenge my older cousins to games. Everything from organ ripping duels in Mortal Kombat, IQ Puzzles, and of course…RIDGE RACER! I always teased every opponent giving them false hope to win and then give them a slow, dying suffering death.

Ostrich-with-a-flat-nose - This is one I shall never ever forget. Poh Leng, my form 1 class mate (the braniac of the class) said that’s what my name spelt backwards (Lirpa) probably meant. Being Naive and I certainly didn’t want to burst her bubble, I was potrayed as an Ostrich in drawings in the classroom. I did object however that Ostriches cannot have flat noses cause they have BEAKS and I most certainly do not have a flat nose myself.

Whale - Marie did this to me. I can’t remember what sparked this. But I must have been swimming like one since we were both in Swimming club together. How disrespectful of her to call her Vice President of the club that hahahha!

Pink Lady - One of most well embraced nicknames. I liked the reason behind it but not the name. It sounded almost like I was dressed in an Victorian dress but with carrying pink porkies under my arm. My choir girls gave this to me while I was reigning as President of the club. I had everything in pink. From a pink liquid paper, to pink staples and even a pink coloured geometry set! I had it all!

Sneezing Banshee - The origins of this name seem very blurry to me. I can explain that it’s because I have a sneeze that is measured between 6000-8000 Hz. Ear piercing. You DON’T WANT to stand next to me when I settle my reflexes.

Ronda Queen - Ah mom calls me that. I’m daring and adventurous enough to go driving anywhere and everywhere alone according to her.

Deep Throat - The Blogosphere has been kind enough (or cruel) to bless me with this name for my uncanny ability to down a large chunk of food down my esophagus in one raptor like swallow. I can (and will if there is a dare involved) swallow a whole piece of cake down in one gulp. Think Secret Recipe size. I got alot of emails and requests from fans when this video was posted up…but to answer your curious minds…. I HAVE NOT TRIED OKAY?

Make Up Monster - Yes I am one. I have more makeup than a fingernail clippings a human being can cut off in a lifetime.

 Now…what other nicknames have you got for me?

There are people in this world, who expect you to relate to their situation when they are in need of a reason to let it all out.

Then there are people who practically force you to comply with action with pushy justifications and ‘guilt’ buttons.

Worse still they condone their own behavior towards you for something you didn’t do.Bear in mind, it’s really not about ‘Siapa termakan cili, dia yang terasa pedas‘ (Malay proverb for - He who eats chilli will taste it’s spicyness (fiery-ness))

However, with all this social ‘conditioning’ sometimes, where do you draw the lines between sincerity and conformity? I don’t mind giving a helping hand every so often, but what really is the point when at the end of the day, the people that you have helped don’t learn to stand on their own two feet? Even when it comes to friendship sometimes, gosh, you’re not being a real friend if you keep dragging your friend to wallow and drown in your misery.

Then again, I do have civic skills and I’m definitely born with a head and heart good enough to know that it’s not wise to leave the old lady crossing the street alone. I’m not some haughty nasty who just wants to stay out of your radar, you only have yourself to blame for the problems in your life.

Some of us were born lucky, but being born under a shiny star doesn’t mean you don’t encounter difficulty either. We’re human. Never perfect.
Forget perfectionism. Then again If you truly have a remarkable personality as you think you do (seen it all, done it all); A tough childhood, a disease, a maelstrom of bad luck does not ever entitle you to be an individual leeching of others when and as you see fit. (Neither when you have factual backup and credit that you are a great person) That’s just an excuse.

You never know if the person you are talking to has had seen more than your eye has met.

Seriously. Think about it.

It’s funny, now that I recollect it…. how a simple dinner of dumplings with the family could lead to some shameful public display of affection and eventually life changing events.

Now, I am that one kind of girl who truly enjoys a whole basket of steamed pork dumplings all to herself. I can down 3 or 4 baskets in one seating too, which really depends on my appetite.

Dad was complaining about how much I eat (oh he fears that his daughter won’t get married because of her frightening ravenous hunger when meal time comes to play) and mom’s friend drops me a friendly slap in the but as I appear more than nonchalant about it.

A slap on the streets of Jalan Telawi(s), and then my mom and her friend seem to be trigger happy slapping the cheeks of my butt.

‘’GIRL….” auntie goes…

‘’SO SOFT! better go and exercise” *slap slap*

*mom slaps* “Aiyoh girl, people slap your bum or see your bum, people will thing you ‘kena’ (get) banged alot oh! ” *slap* “Correct or not auntie?” *slap*

*auntie slaps again* ” Yah better exercise adi lu”

Now..all that slap wasn’t really necessary, but the moment close relations start comparing my physical outlook to that of a professional courtesan, I flipped!

Mom had to rub in …”Some more you wear these kind of pants…short, short, people can see your saggy bum”

My favourite pair of shorts too -_-”

I spent the rest of the evening trying to hide my buttocks from plain sight. How unnecessary and uncalled for. This is the bloody first time I’ve ever heard that ladies get a flat butt from sleeping around too much. Not that I have experience, but I thought sexual intercourse was a form of exercise that is supposed to keep you fit.
Geez…now I really have to start doing squats, lunges and god knows what to put some cushion back into my whore-like ass some seriously flat back tires .

I REALLY DESPISE EXERCISE! I’ll try to moan and groan less about working out. If anyone meets me after this post, it would do you much good if you PLEASE don’t observe me bum for a while.

I really worry I wake up having to burst my cranium open with a hacksaw to dig for ideas on designs.

Thankfully, reminding myself of Khai Tzer’s bright Hawaiian pants has given me some inspiration. (Your groupie still thinks of you often KT,…or your bright pants… wahahahaha!)

I’ll put them up soon on the Vanity Vault

In all my 2 decades plus years of upbringing, I have kept to my own ways of squat toilet usage. It’s very much like the way you were taught to hold your pencil, a very signature style of your very own performed with the most habitual of mannerisms.

As I grew up, there were of course, several schools (mom, grandmom’s, aunts and nannies had their own way) of thought to toilet etiquette and conduct (regardless if you were in the presence of others or not). I thought I always had it right… until I unintentionally flashed more than decent flesh at one point of my life of tertiary education.

How could I ever reveal so much without noticing? Let me illustrate…

Whoever squats like me, IS SURE TO NOT KNOW if the door behind is REALLY securely shut.
Thus my question now is asides from the fact that it has no complete benefit to visual dignity to squat the way i do,…Why the heck do we squat the way we do? Hmmm..

Several debates over the mamak table have ended in ‘The dump goes straight in the hole‘.  Sure…males and females take a dump the same way. But what if we pee?

Guess my way would be more feasible for the pee to get right in the hole! But wait..if a man really had to go pee in a squat toilet…which way does he actually face… *ponders*

I’ve also always had this fear of getting my foot stuck in such a gaping hole in the ground.Hanging my ass over the seemingly bottomless abyss  would actually increase the chances of such, thus I prefer to have everything in front of me. We’ve got to minimise such risks you know….

I’m also a pretty lazy person. Doing it the normal way would mean I would have to perform such actions in sequence.
1) shut the door

2) TURN

3) aim and estimate for feet positioning

4) TURN

5) do my business

6) TURN

7)  Flush remnants

8) TURN

9) Exit stall
My way seems to have simplified things… think of all the time you’ll save not having to turn so much and do all that topographical planning on feet placement

1) close door

2) TURN

3) Do business

4) Flush

5) TURN

6) Exit stall

So there is a reason why I was given directions to use the squat toilet as so

Blah these tag curses. Obliged to do it cause it’s from gf Mabel though…kekkekek

5 Things in my bag:
1. Facial care bag - Hydrating spray, face wash, sunblock, toner, clean wipes
2. Mini Fan
3. Wallet with a multiple assortment of monies, credit cards, membership cards, bills and receipts
4. My purple Animob case with Moto Rzr and Moto Rokr E2
5. My organiser

5 Things in my head:
1. why the *censored* am I doing this tag
2. Will somebody call me up NOW cause I’m quite bored
3. why did I type down the answer for no.2
4. Due bills
5. Updating Vanity Vault


5 words I frequently use:
1. words that most frustrated malaysians drivers on the road would say with reflex
2. MY GAWD!
3. Seriously?
4. bloody hell
5. bugger.


5 Recent smses received:
1. Mabel
2. Elaine Tham
3. Yuin Yin
4. Lunch Actually
5. Estee Lauder promotion


5 recent things I just did:
1. Update this blog
2. Photoshop
3. Scratch a dreaded mozzie bite
4. fixed the crick in my neck
5. told my sister to bugger off somewhere

5 things in my wardrobe:
I REALLY CAN’T POSSIBLY ANSWER THIS…ITS GOING TO TAKE AGES


5 things I just ate:
1. Cornflake cookies
2. fried egg
3. Fresh strawberries! <3
4. Capri Sonne Alaskan Ice Tea
5. Starbucks Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato with low-fat milk and extra pump vanilla


5 people I’m tagging:
No one deserves such time robbers

What’s a girl to do when she’s all alone in the Town of Lukut with nothing to eat?

I’d really just google up what’s the signature dish there on my phone and then enjoy the feast all by myself! MWHAHAHAHA! Unfortunate that the phone number for the restaurant was unavailable so I had to go and hunt down the place myself. Hmmpfh.
Luck, the townspeople and my inbuilt navigational sense brought me to Lucky Seafood Restaurant.

I really expected a ‘pao’ like white colored fluff the size of the Kajang ‘Tai Pao’s with all its goodies inside soaking the walls of the dough inside. Instead, my Curry Chicken King Bun was the size of a bald human head (maybe even bigger!) baked to a shiny glossy golden brown on the outside.

The attendant then snipped the bun right down the middle unfolding fluffy petals of bread like a blossom, uwrapped the foil and plastic to unveil a bowl of SPICY HOT CURRY CHICKEN! JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT BUGGER!….Unlike you, it was unlikely of me to really care, cause I was just drawn into the moment of teasing aromatic curry! It was so biggg…I was using a ladle instead of a spoon to slurp it all up. This was the SMALL bun…i wonder how big is the BIG bun? Retailing at abt RM20 per bun, this is something you should indulge in, or take away for a party at home.
Shame I didn’t get to taste their CRAB bun though.. needs 2 to 3 days to prepare it! (since they have to catch it and all) SO SOMEONE PLEASE GO THERE AND TELL ME IF IT’S WORTH MY TRIP FOR JUST THE CRAB BUN!Lucky for you the nice auntie handed me a card with all the details!Phone: 06-651 2392
Address: Lucky Seafood Restoran,
No 4366, Taman Aman, Jalan Besar,
71010 Lukut, Port Dickson, Negeri Seremban.

Take the trunk road from Port Dickson to Seremban, you won’t miss it’s big red signboard.

Seremban Bound: Left side of road, Port Dickson bound: Right side of the road

I wonder how long have I been a moron not to notice it. As independence day approaches, we hang our beloved ‘Jalur Gemilang’ along KILOMETERS OF HIGHWAYS, on ALMOST ALL our ARCHITECTURAL ACHIEVEMENTS, and Lord knows where else people are capable of hanging flags..

But the vertical Malaysian flag, I’ve just realized….. Is the wrong way around

Good Grief. After years of living in this country I thought I would have actually known it inside out.

.

.

Mah-lordy. (Excuse me I’m still recovering from the shock of my stupidity) After all the coloring and drawing competitions I’ve entered for on independence days. Well anyway the vertical flag was meant to be pin point accurate, there should be 8 equivalent length stripes with the balance being longer, and there shouldn’t be a swallow tail.

Perhaps there is a good and fairly simple explanation for this. Maybe it was just looked much idealistic from a design point of view.

I just hope that some tourists are not laughing their asses off the moment they touch down on Malaysian soil until they bringing back stories to their own countries on such a rara avis.

But upside down or the right way up, I GET TO SLEEP IN NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!