"アイデアはどこで生まれますか？" which reads as "Idea ha doko de umaremasuka?" (Thanks Steph for the translation!) translates to "Where do most ideas get conceived "

The images pretty much explain themselves

Tell me if you like it as much as I did

          

Most of our friends of course were dating people of the same age or close to their years. Then of course, we thought of the selected few... the younger females who were always dating older men... REALLY OLD men.

Oft, we wonder in a perfectly heterosexual relationship why the 22 year old guy is dating a 16 year old girl. Sounds so wrong doesn't it? Then again, when a 36 year old person is dating a 25 year old female, we suppose that's much better to the logic than the first suggestion.

We then brought up the case of couple A. He was 8 years older than her and she's about 24.

"Perfectly normal..." butts in my friend. He then says "Fits perfectly into the general 'older male in a heterosexual relationship equation"

Me and the other guy were intrigued. Well we wanted to hear it and we were after all speaking to a person who specializes in the "maximums and minimums" of life.

According to something he has read up before. The equation should be something like this:

So lets say the guy is 30 and the minimum age of girl that he'll logically, and generally should be dating would be

'30' divided by '2'; plus '7' which makes her '22'. Which sounds absolutely *Spock like voice* "Logical"

Now if the value of "X" increases, the range also increases. so if the dude is 50, it would be assumingly absolutely fine if he was holding the hand of a 32 yr old lady.

For you less math savvy ladies, here is the revised thorem for you.

Makes sense doesn't it?

          

'APRIL YIM!!'

'Eh, hi, hi!'

'You going clubbing ah?'

'No lah. Why do you think so?'

*Points finger at outfit* 'What are you wearing then?'

Elaine, my favourite 'bobo' calling friend then explained..

'Woman, technically what you're wearing is hot pants lah, and in such a Chinese-old fashion area.. is damn eye catching lor.'

I really wasn't expecting to actually go to that area cause we both were in Bangsar earlier on for sushi and some shopping. But yeah we caught the attention of a really hot gym goer who did a double take on us. Prolly cause of my 'hot pants' woman...

I'll have to pack a pair of jeans in my car in case I decide to pop by 'ah beng' areas last minute.

          

So there is this woman planning and budgeting and she is upset with how much flowers can cost. Through such conversations. We have very much concluded ...

Minishorts: i'm not going to throw it because stupid malaysian women jump away when they throw it
i been to 5 weddings with throwing bouquet
NO NEED lah sampat only throw the bouquet

April: EH! THROW AT ME!!!!
i catch one. hahahaha

minishorts: YOU SAMPAT i give you lah after that 
i kid you not
the bouquet is the most useless accessory a bride has
dunno who last time say have to do very big now you know why i say overprice ..stupid corsages are a waste of money

FLOWERS ARE DAMN EXPENSIVE THINGS AND USELESS.

but what to do? nice mah...

Hillarious. Anyway, back to bouquet catching.

The last time I stood in the crowd of fighting young single women. Being tall obviously I stood in the back. I looked down on my feet. 

I heard screams and I looked up. If it were'nt a bouquet of flowers, I would have broken my nose. Well..looks like I'm going to catch the bouquet without even putting up a fight. I'm going to be given the bouquet. The first bouquet must be a hoax...not married yet also. :p

          

However until today, people still keep christening me new, unique and urm, well. misleading names. Here's what I remember.

Ms. Bossy- Given to me by my cousin Allistair. When this boy of 7 years came back to stay with his 3 year old cousin sister and family. He brought back some really AWESOME M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand) figurines. Somehow the dude actually befriended the opposing criminal organizational band V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem) in one of his imaginary playtimes. In my fragile little 3 year old mind was a neon bllboard of information popping out...YOU DO NOT MAKE MATT TRAKKER AND MILES MAYHEM SHAKE GOD DAMN HANDS! (GAWD, WHY DO I REMEMBER ALL THIS POINTLESS INFORMATION)Disgruntled that should NOT be the way to play M.A.S.K., I snatched each figurine away and dictated him how to play it the RIGHT way.

Tau Fu Poh (Bean curd auntie)- I eat meat like I'm on a vengance spree to kill animals that have defied my human sanctity. I never ate a single leaf of vegetables until I turned 18 or 19. But if there was one vegetarian bit I loved was bean curd (Tau Fu). Between ages 5-9 years old, every family meal ALWAYS had Tau fu JUST FOR ME.

Saboh Queen (Short for Sabotage Queen)- Given to me by my bro/sis cousins Jamie and Andrew followed by other cousins, Rene, Collin and Richard. On the occassion, that I completely dumped my 14 Barbie dolls and sold my soul to Sega and Nintendo Consoles, I would challenge my older cousins to games. Everything from organ ripping duels in Mortal Kombat, IQ Puzzles, and of course...RIDGE RACER! I always teased every opponent giving them false hope to win and then give them a slow, dying suffering death.

Ostrich-with-a-flat-nose - This is one I shall never ever forget. Poh Leng, my form 1 class mate (the braniac of the class) said that's what my name spelt backwards (Lirpa) probably meant. Being Naive and I certainly didn't want to burst her bubble, I was potrayed as an Ostrich in drawings in the classroom. I did object however that Ostriches cannot have flat noses cause they have BEAKS and I most certainly do not have a flat nose myself.

Whale - Marie did this to me. I can't remember what sparked this. But I must have been swimming like one since we were both in Swimming club together. How disrespectful of her to call her Vice President of the club that hahahha!

Pink Lady - One of most well embraced nicknames. I liked the reason behind it but not the name. It sounded almost like I was dressed in an Victorian dress but with carrying pink porkies under my arm. My choir girls gave this to me while I was reigning as President of the club. I had everything in pink. From a pink liquid paper, to pink staples and even a pink coloured geometry set! I had it all!

Sneezing Banshee - The origins of this name seem very blurry to me. I can explain that it's because I have a sneeze that is measured between 6000-8000 Hz. Ear piercing. You DON'T WANT to stand next to me when I settle my reflexes.

Ronda Queen - Ah mom calls me that. I'm daring and adventurous enough to go driving anywhere and everywhere alone according to her.

Deep Throat - The Blogosphere has been kind enough (or cruel) to bless me with this name for my uncanny ability to down a large chunk of food down my esophagus in one raptor like swallow. I can (and will if there is a dare involved) swallow a whole piece of cake down in one gulp. Think Secret Recipe size. I got alot of emails and requests from fans when this video was posted up...but to answer your curious minds.... I HAVE NOT TRIED OKAY?

Make Up Monster - Yes I am one. I have more makeup than a fingernail clippings a human being can cut off in a lifetime.

 Now...what other nicknames have you got for me?

          

Now, I am that one kind of girl who truly enjoys a whole basket of steamed pork dumplings all to herself. I can down 3 or 4 baskets in one seating too, which really depends on my appetite.

Dad was complaining about how much I eat (oh he fears that his daughter won't get married because of her frightening ravenous hunger when meal time comes to play) and mom's friend drops me a friendly slap in the but as I appear more than nonchalant about it.

A slap on the streets of Jalan Telawi(s), and then my mom and her friend seem to be trigger happy slapping the cheeks of my butt.

''GIRL...." auntie goes...

''SO SOFT! better go and exercise" *slap slap*

*mom slaps* "Aiyoh girl, people slap your bum or see your bum, people will thing you 'kena' (get) banged alot oh! " *slap* "Correct or not auntie?" *slap*

*auntie slaps again* " Yah better exercise adi lu"

Now..all that slap wasn't really necessary, but the moment close relations start comparing my physical outlook to that of a professional courtesan, I flipped!

Mom had to rub in ..."Some more you wear these kind of pants...short, short, people can see your saggy bum"

My favourite pair of shorts too -_-"

I spent the rest of the evening trying to hide my buttocks from plain sight. How unnecessary and uncalled for. This is the bloody first time I've ever heard that ladies get a flat butt from sleeping around too much. Not that I have experience, but I thought sexual intercourse was a form of exercise that is supposed to keep you fit.
Geez...now I really have to start doing squats, lunges and god knows what to put some cushion back into my whore-like ass some seriously flat back tires .

I REALLY DESPISE EXERCISE! I'll try to moan and groan less about working out. If anyone meets me after this post, it would do you much good if you PLEASE don't observe me bum for a while.

          

As I grew up, there were of course, several schools (mom, grandmom's, aunts and nannies had their own way) of thought to toilet etiquette and conduct (regardless if you were in the presence of others or not). I thought I always had it right... until I unintentionally flashed more than decent flesh at one point of my life of tertiary education.

How could I ever reveal so much without noticing? Let me illustrate...

Several debates over the mamak table have ended in 'The dump goes straight in the hole'.  Sure...males and females take a dump the same way. But what if we pee?

Guess my way would be more feasible for the pee to get right in the hole! But wait..if a man really had to go pee in a squat toilet...which way does he actually face... *ponders*

I've also always had this fear of getting my foot stuck in such a gaping hole in the ground.Hanging my ass over the seemingly bottomless abyss  would actually increase the chances of such, thus I prefer to have everything in front of me. We've got to minimise such risks you know....

I'm also a pretty lazy person. Doing it the normal way would mean I would have to perform such actions in sequence.
1) shut the door

2) TURN

3) aim and estimate for feet positioning

4) TURN

5) do my business

6) TURN

7)  Flush remnants

TURN

9) Exit stall
My way seems to have simplified things... think of all the time you'll save not having to turn so much and do all that topographical planning on feet placement

1) close door

2) TURN

3) Do business

4) Flush

5) TURN

6) Exit stall

So there is a reason why I was given directions to use the squat toilet as so

          

But the vertical Malaysian flag, I've just realized..... Is the wrong way around

Good Grief. After years of living in this country I thought I would have actually known it inside out.

.

.

Mah-lordy. (Excuse me I'm still recovering from the shock of my stupidity) After all the coloring and drawing competitions I've entered for on independence days. Well anyway the vertical flag was meant to be pin point accurate, there should be 8 equivalent length stripes with the balance being longer, and there shouldn't be a swallow tail.

Perhaps there is a good and fairly simple explanation for this. Maybe it was just looked much idealistic from a design point of view.

I just hope that some tourists are not laughing their asses off the moment they touch down on Malaysian soil until they bringing back stories to their own countries on such a rara avis.

But upside down or the right way up, I GET TO SLEEP IN NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!

          

I'll show them to you people,

But please...

don't laugh.

As much as I know... I don't know my own mother tongue. The shame has not hit me until only as of recent. I can't read, I can't write and I can't speak mandarin to save my own life. I can't even write my own name in Chinese. o_O
It's that bad...

Since I have no time to even dedicate myself to an Adult Mandarin course, off to popular I go. Elaine helped me pick these couple of titles out (I can't believe you actually tried to linguistically prescribe me FLASH CARDS woman) Books for radicals, writing, pairing, phrases, coloring (yes coloring) and a story book of some chocolate bear biscuits o_O
I'm now diligently practicing, scripts out of books for ages 3 to 4.

I'll also need a couple of interesting Taiwanese drama series (With subs) and a few Chinese Songs to get hooked onto my MP3 player. Any recommendations?
I figure its going to be quite a while before I can pick up a Chinese Newspaper for reading.

          

Some urban legend of computers and computing happened to me this morning. I heard a loud whizzle and fizzle in the 6 year old laptop today. I turn it of pick it up, remove the hard drive casing just to take a peek at what happened. Perhaps a dead beatle got its way in and got turned into beetle on a hot disk plate. I flipped it and out came a piece I would believe is called a diode.

If it is not enough, I have to bribe my sister to follow me around to go get a new hard disk or reformat my hard disk on the PC so i can finally stay connected.

Divinity must be really having a bad day that they decide to do something to my phone line as well. Although it actually was a lack of care on my part.

But lets not talk about that. It's going to cause me more harassment to my already tortured mentality.

And of all times and of all the absurdity (hardware wise) to be disconnected from people at once, i decided to still confine myself down into this unfriendly, uncouth chair, table and lighting to blog (when i have not updated in ages)

The irony of it all.

          

It's been a utterly hot and humid weekend and over this course of time my car air conditioning decides to choke spew and sputter out all it's gas that keeps it cold.

At first it started with it dancing side by side my accelerator. It moves, then air con moves. So when I was stuck in a pissy jam, bloody hell.

This morning I put on a Coldplay CD, and all of a sudden i hear this "pshhhh..." noise
"Chris Martin,..is that you?" 

psssshhhhhh....

"My CD isn't scratched now is it?"

psssshhhh....

*turns of CD player and presses ear towards air conditioning*

PSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

"OH DAMN!"

Thus now, my car feels worse than a bloody construction site. I was at the Turf Club Today and I SWEAR, even the horses' stables felt so much better than mine (Smell and humidity wise, since I have been perspiring  uncontrollably.

SO SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT HIM! BEFORE I GO NUTS AND START LOADING AN ELEPHANT GUN AND GO IN A THIN AIR SHOOTING SPREE! GYWARHHHH

          

In all my life, even if a dog(s) was/were barking at me, it'll/they'll stop when I come over to give them a pat of approval. I would be called for road trips to babysit dogs. And strays would always come looking for me.
Then, last night, there I was, my arteries were at the brink of releasing evaporations of boiled blood..cause of my pretty dimwitted maid who kept unloading and loading the wrong things in my car. Then a little fellow crawled from under the car, whimpering and looking Oh-so lost.

Late for my appointment at my usual Starbucks, I handed him to mom who was already muttering to the air about providing it a plush, comfy lifestyle. After much pampering and shampoo treatment, the lil male now looks somewhat like this

There he is! He was accompanying me doing some spring cleaning and ended up frolicking in my pile of unwanted old bras

Doesn't he look like 'THE DOG'? This is such a greeting card/ mass mailing worthy picture.

This makes dog No.5 in the house. Oh yes, we do need a name for him, the thing is that all my dogs (except Pixie, the miniature pinscher who was named  that way for obvious reasons), are named after famous designers, we had HUGO and BOSS, we have Giorgio, Coco and Chanel at the moment. Please something more manly and nothing under a third rate brand. Any suggestions?

          

But here is a rough idea on how it would look like if I had such a cute pair of shorts

          

This is just meant to humor myself

Yes,..I was extremely bored.

          

Now who'd ever think that performing ECG for demonstration using yourself as a model could leave such obvious markings?

Don't worry, it doesn't hurt AT ALL. For physical impressions sake, thank goodness all ECG leads are performed in the middle intercostal spaces of the ribs (spacing between rib bones) or else people will be branding them all over their clavicles.. like I did.

It wasn't fun too, getting all those weird stares that seem to shout "AIYOH THIS WOMAN GOT LOVEBITE BUT NEVER COVER UP!"

Note to self, don't give myself machine made lovebites again.

          

'wtf situation'.

An although I didn't lose my balance what-so-ever, the pain was enough to affix me stoning for a good 10 minutes (IN AN AISLE OF DRIED NOODLES), with a bloody pain in my right waist. With no apology what-so-ever. Boy, I'd like to screw that kid up and his parents into Mashi Maro pulp. But the kid prolly doesn't realise that he has belly folds that would put Mashi Maro to shame
And like most days and almost everyday. THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH CASHIER COUNTERS OPEN AND THE QUES ARE BLOODY LONG.

Enough Voltaren jabs please, I've just been put off by Mashi Maro, and parents who don't set good examples for their kids.

          

It's not everyday that even the road to Tesco is jammed up that I am forced to park in a dark place andtake a 3 min stroll to get a beam of light on my skin.

Perhaps on the occassion that stand looking up at a mountain of dried noodle figuring if I should stock up Mamee noodles,deciding to stay loyal with Maggi noodles or boil up the Cintan brand.

But definitely not everyday that a BIG, FAT, KID PLAYS HIT AND RUN WITH ME DRIVING A SHOPPING CART IN THE DRIED NOODLE AISLE. A BIG FAT KID WHO SCREAMS 'MASHI MARO!!!'

Something I'd like to classify as a most ....

'wtf situation'.

An although I didn't lose my balance what-so-ever, the pain was enough to affix me stoning for a good 10 minutes (IN AN AISLE OF DRIED NOODLES), with a bloody pain in my right waist. With no apology what-so-ever. Boy, I'd like to screw that kid up and his parents into Mashi Maro pulp. But the kid prolly doesn't realise that he has belly folds that would put Mashi Maro to shame

And like most days and almost everyday. THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH CASHIER COUNTERS OPEN AND THE QUES ARE BLOODY LONG.

Enough Voltaren jabs please, I've just been put off by Mashi Maro, and parents who don't set good examples for their kids.