I thank my parents for giving me the name I have now. Though it has a penchant for leaving me suffixes (e.g. -fool) conversational/pick up lines that are far too predicatable. April is a nice name that gets me places…especially when you’re in a country other girls rarely have this name.
However until today, people still keep christening me new, unique and urm, well. misleading names. Here’s what I remember.
Ms. Bossy- Given to me by my cousin Allistair. When this boy of 7 years came back to stay with his 3 year old cousin sister and family. He brought back some really AWESOME M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand) figurines. Somehow the dude actually befriended the opposing criminal organizational band V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem) in one of his imaginary playtimes. In my fragile little 3 year old mind was a neon bllboard of information popping out…YOU DO NOT MAKE MATT TRAKKER AND MILES MAYHEM SHAKE GOD DAMN HANDS! (GAWD, WHY DO I REMEMBER ALL THIS POINTLESS INFORMATION)Disgruntled that should NOT be the way to play M.A.S.K., I snatched each figurine away and dictated him how to play it the RIGHT way.
Tau Fu Poh (Bean curd auntie)- I eat meat like I’m on a vengance spree to kill animals that have defied my human sanctity. I never ate a single leaf of vegetables until I turned 18 or 19. But if there was one vegetarian bit I loved was bean curd (Tau Fu). Between ages 5-9 years old, every family meal ALWAYS had Tau fu JUST FOR ME.
Saboh Queen (Short for Sabotage Queen)- Given to me by my bro/sis cousins Jamie and Andrew followed by other cousins, Rene, Collin and Richard. On the occassion, that I completely dumped my 14 Barbie dolls and sold my soul to Sega and Nintendo Consoles, I would challenge my older cousins to games. Everything from organ ripping duels in Mortal Kombat, IQ Puzzles, and of course…RIDGE RACER! I always teased every opponent giving them false hope to win and then give them a slow, dying suffering death.
Ostrich-with-a-flat-nose - This is one I shall never ever forget. Poh Leng, my form 1 class mate (the braniac of the class) said that’s what my name spelt backwards (Lirpa) probably meant. Being Naive and I certainly didn’t want to burst her bubble, I was potrayed as an Ostrich in drawings in the classroom. I did object however that Ostriches cannot have flat noses cause they have BEAKS and I most certainly do not have a flat nose myself.
Whale - Marie did this to me. I can’t remember what sparked this. But I must have been swimming like one since we were both in Swimming club together. How disrespectful of her to call her Vice President of the club that hahahha!
Pink Lady - One of most well embraced nicknames. I liked the reason behind it but not the name. It sounded almost like I was dressed in an Victorian dress but with carrying pink porkies under my arm. My choir girls gave this to me while I was reigning as President of the club. I had everything in pink. From a pink liquid paper, to pink staples and even a pink coloured geometry set! I had it all!
Sneezing Banshee - The origins of this name seem very blurry to me. I can explain that it’s because I have a sneeze that is measured between 6000-8000 Hz. Ear piercing. You DON’T WANT to stand next to me when I settle my reflexes.
Ronda Queen - Ah mom calls me that. I’m daring and adventurous enough to go driving anywhere and everywhere alone according to her.
Deep Throat - The Blogosphere has been kind enough (or cruel) to bless me with this name for my uncanny ability to down a large chunk of food down my esophagus in one raptor like swallow. I can (and will if there is a dare involved) swallow a whole piece of cake down in one gulp. Think Secret Recipe size. I got alot of emails and requests from fans when this video was posted up…but to answer your curious minds…. I HAVE NOT TRIED OKAY?
Make Up Monster - Yes I am one. I have more makeup than a fingernail clippings a human being can cut off in a lifetime.
Now…what other nicknames have you got for me?
I’m really excited for her and to be involved in her wedding plans! 
